this way to back

My every thought.

I look at skies above me
or marvel seas of blue.
I try reflect on happy things
but each thought’s tied to you.

I seek solace in film-scripts
try bury memories there.
Or lose myself in stories
but always are you there.

I run and work my body
try sweat this mind of blue.
I triple-murder brain cells
To drown all thoughts of you

From instant that my soul does wake
stalks long afore daylight can break.
Every second, hour, each long day
Wrong you’ve done, on me does prey.

Come shine, cold snow or gentle rain
could anything get good again ?
No matter what I try to do
can’t get my head away from you.

You hurt me so, I cannot seem
cycle to break or slate to clean.
Again late night, at ten past two
I mull lone thought still owned by you

If every breath’s bethrothed to you
and every image yours
The only way I’ll get my peace
is slam those mental doors

When ? When will this be done ?
I hear such shameful cry
Will I have to stop all thinks
For sore thoughts of you to fly?

How crave I to end all thought
then gone you’d really be !
And maybe in some distant life
my soul return to me.

Away you go and take the tears
I’ll close heart and eyes and ears.
And curse you brain! Stop thinking too,
and so get shot of thoughts of you.

Ben

Katherine, why must you hurt our baby ?

Why did you willingly place Angela in this position?

Awareness will atomize her emotionally and damage her very soul. Because it is going to shatter everything she has relied on , depended on as firm and real for the duration of her entire life.
Each new ‘family’ situation she is propelled into, each little tableau of ‘reality’ (‘you better get used to it because this is what I want’ )you impose on her with Robert in it, could well be the one that does it!

Are you blind? Can you not see it? Can you not see the inevitability of what is coming?

So the only way you can forestall this catastrophic situation for her is by keeping him and his family and everything to do with him OUT OF HER LIFE!!!!!!!!!!

One thing is for sure, you have stupidly, stupidly placed her in this awful situation and you must get her out.
I cannot help. I've been warning you about your impending execution of this child’s emotional life since February.

She is going to implode. And because you have closed your eyes to this prime consequence of what you have done, you truly have no idea how badly it will affect her. She hates Robert in her life and dealing her this dreadful card will warp her perception of everything she has trusted. Please listen to what Im saying.

She will never trust again if you do this. Not you and not me. What you have done and will do next is nothing short of a mental crime against this little person.

Please stop before it is too late, you selfish, selfish cow ! Shame on you and him both for your complete and utter thickness in deliberately letting this horrendous situation happen !

Ben

We’ll get through.
(words for little Angela)

To dance among the clouds so blue
and know I am so close to you.
To whistle tunes, those songs so rare
and dazzle me, your smile so fair.

To laugh back at those happy times
when life we shared in sunny climes.
Those moments when we ran and danced
and let the future’s course be chanced.

That ‘lightful glow when we’re together
makes no matter, any weather.
The simple things that bring us joy
are rarely those expense deploy.

Laugh and sing and smile, be free
these gloomy times away we’ll see.
To turn our backs on things so bad
and chase away what makes us sad.

Done it! ( Now fool your daughter, Katherine.)

You’ve got your way, you’ve won your day
and much should you be pleased with.
You’ve spun your tale, chalked up the sale
and many have swallowed the myth.

You’ve beaten the game, used friends to so shame
without harlot’s banner unfurl.
You’ve trampled and lied, from no sin have you shied
nor spouted falsehood too lowly to twirl.

You certainly glow, carnal appetite show,
so tarty and nary a blush.
Old unhappy self, abseiled off some shelf
and down history’s toilet did flush

There’s no looking back, no indulgence to lack
and so hard at your network you’ll toil.
But sooner than later, she’ll cry that you hate her
and away from your lies will recoil.

To Angela, my eight year-old, who literally is putting me to shame.

How are you doing this?

What did I do to deserve you,
your smiling heart and love so true?
Did Him above know how weak I’d be,
so palm me you and gift you me?

Your simple youth our pain belies
as my less robust heart outcries.
My ‘maturer’ world you shame,
while yours implodes in all and name

How is it you did get so strong?
whilst my recovery doth so prolong.
When did you find so courage great,
while wallow I and help do wait ?

How is it you can balance the scales,
while torture I myself with tales?
How do you take within your stride,
while I cry bleeding still inside?