this way to back

Immaculate Deception

How is it now your first year’s gone?
Has your sun much brighter shone?
All deaf-blind to sweet child’s tears
smug tales poured in gullible ears.

Why for nought her pure world shatter
her secret’s safe, so why the matter ?
Curse serpent’s lips that lie through fork
hiss oily poison dressed as talk.

You’re telling all you’re happy now
though most suspect you’re grasping cow
If you knew how much you are loathed
you’d know you’re to contempt betrothed.

Discard me may but it’s you they’ll scorn
even worse than tart that gave you born.
Immoral path she showed you clear
which you’ve bequeathed our daughter dear.

Why is it that you still pretend,
invent and lie to bitter end ?
Always destined to fail life’s test
to spite respect that loved you best.

Did you think I’d wash my hands,
walk away, applaud your plans ?
And watch you parade new silk pretend,
fake provenance at every end?

You carve your way like bitch in heat
and close in quick when doubt you meet
You’ve picked them all off, one by one
and won their nod for what you’ve done.

You used own friends then cast away
now mine do stalk , their minds to sway.
There are no words to script my scorn,
of clever lies from judgement torn.

You smile at me like there’s no change
my contempt irrational, and oh so strange.
You hide the doubts of I see glimmer
for behind my eyes disquiet does simmer.

Delectina

You walk by, I watch and ponder
how your life is every day ?
Mostly, do you feel you’re happy
or wonder how you stayed?

When sleep deserts your small hours
and soft sadness pays its call
Do love thoughts rest on he beside you
or do they elsewhere fall ?

Do they ever range away
and wonder what you missed ?
Though true for rough you settled
must that forfeit tender’s kiss?

Does he trust and hold and love you,
to your heart his virtue bring ?
Or would he hurt, or vex or shame you,
knowing you’d not changes ring?

D’you lull silent in love’s afterglow
or dread endless years so slow?
As routine dulls, and time rolls by
and familiarity one’s faults do magnify

Was I wrong to guess your sadness,
a mere mirror of my hopeful madness?
Does his warmth like mine enfold you,
treasure-like to love , embold you?

Rarely do you seem unhappy
or is it just you hide so well?
Small-minded longing from distance
wishes each day a living hell.

I gaze your way mute whisper
silent love that speaks it not
Is it truly that you love him
or long ago resigned your lot?

In this sweet air, alone and walking
my one dream sees us talking,
and might you speak engaging thought
if love’s release your freedom bought?

I need to learn what’s all about you
have to know why I so love
Would you tire of talk? Explaining?
today’s hand fit tomorrow’s glove?

Could we forge new life together
afford do those things we missed?
Or be compelled to sigh and wonder
Was its lack less worth than kiss ?

Oft dream I of us together
but know you none to know.
Are you soft and warm and willing?
will love’s fire still make you glow?

Would we talk and smile and touch
or might one feel they loved too much?
After, would we drift away at ease
or awkward wonder did I please?

Would we mean it if we said
with no you, I’d rather dead?
Would you really love me true?
could I risk last chance with you?

How would age decline our treasure?
Would I to you myself up measure?
and wary of man’s promise hollow,
could you still compel your heart to follow?

Could I love you like I need to?
or would I waste it, new to bleed?
Would we stay pleased to touch and daily,
sumptuous romance feed?

Could we share our heart’s deep tears
admit, say aloud those secret fears?
Could we believe and trust each other
keep our flame home, not fire another ?

Would together earn us peace?
to love’s fire buy, not lease?
Could your arms ‘round my soul reach
To us let lie, life’s paradise beach?

Could you your love to me surrender
or is change too sore to make?
Could I trust myself be tender
not perchance your heart to break?

Or would we sometime drift apart?
yet another pair mistaken hearts?
God tell me here’s not another
for carved in stone, there’s no recover.

Could you let me cherish you?
All I’d ask your love is true
But… we’ll never know, that much is set
he’d be some fool, you free to let!

And would I, in any way, better be
beyond sweet words, an advance on he ?
You know him, learned every glance
I know not self, why take such chance?

So no better than he you picked ,
you too canny from peace be tricked
Nor would it anyway be smart
forfeit precious family to flutter of heart.

Been in my head three years and day
but doubtful ever to your thoughts stray.
Why can’t my head compliment return
and free me to drift, sad bridge to burn?

Just my imagination you’re even dreaming!
Nor would I tempt you leaning
Not that you’d look my way
though my dreams at reality will play.

Better this way, leave things as are
the two of you have come too far
and straight through me you look each time
‘cos what’s tween us is in my mind.

Today we trade a glance so rare
your lovely face, your jet black hair
Serene, sweet, past my world you float
I gaze down, your guileless path my rote

Might you lie awake tonight
small hours dread, or hope take flight?
Would you chance to think of me
at whom you look but hardly see ?

It is not fair, so arrogant of me,
runaway thoughts of you to free
Though nothingness is worse than hell
but never find courage to tell.

No. I know betrayal’s cruel kill
little eyes bitter so seen fill
Though I long with you together
love must afar, that way forever

‘Tis best for all I turn away
and two sweet charges need you stay
How does life concoct such twists
contrive two hearts forever miss?

I long to tell you how I feel
but even whisper births new lie real
So farewell, no hint to show
must mutely slip, away to go

You’ll never know my love today
nor shall a word be say.
Perhaps next life we may still meet
untethered souls, one heart to beat.

27 June 2009

Was it ever?

Could it be that you and me were never meant to be?
That we were never one, nor never ever true?
Could precious love we shared ‘ere feel so hollow?
Did fate decree that tears our hearts ought follow?

Did aeon’s stars not write we’d never part ?
Those years we shared ‘fore tore you my heart?
And such ugly scars upon our souls did bring
as discontent’s poison glibly you let spring?

But ‘happiness I’ve earned!’ all hear you cry
as ‘mongst deceit’s debris you seek justify
Sans pause, a precious child you shatter
Wreak ! Destroy ! As if her world’s no matter

Was it starred you’d crush and break her too
rush each moment closer heartache true?
Turn back now! ‘fore slips dire agony of clue
and certain pain sweet girl doth cue

Matters not if you and I were meant to be,
when heartbreak looming’s clear to see?
Beg spare our babe this awful hurt
and desist with ghosts of past to flirt.

Can Take Forever

As time moves on, it comes to be
though ‘round you some no longer see.

So few perceive how each slow day
feels still so wrapped in shades of grey.

But bound up, drawn to daily lives
universe decrees they must so strive.

Fast fly their lanes as life goes on
while hangs your star quiet looking on.

Will each new day be such as this?
I almost hear you cry
Around you swirls the moving world
Why? Why? Why can’t I?

Slow daily grind does limelight pall
glare so happily foregone for all.

Can take forever, not just so seem
till somewhere morrow’s year will deem.

That you may smile, not guilt to live
sweet purpose new, your world will give.

But know once more through Celtic rains
‘some day’ will come, light shine again.

Can I ? (Trust you)

You hold, you kiss, you touch, you love
and gift us heaven’s sweet joy above.
You laugh, you smile, my soul does ask
Can I trust you? Will your love last?

Your arms ‘round me, I want to believe
real love is true, will not deceive
I close eyes to still shattered heart
Can I trust you? Will this love part?

I rest my head on shoulder soft
dare think ahead, hope look aloft
‘tis you life’s journey’s led me to?
Can I trust love? A heart e’er be true?

Your eyes swear love, no lies see I there
‘nother heartache this soul could not bear
Hold fast my hand, keep ever near
Can I trust words? Is it love that I fear?

Are you the one? That’s come so late?
Been sent to make setting sun wait?
Will you stay you and let me be me?
Should I trust you? Are we meant to be?

So hold me tight till morning’s light
and world, keep your damn tomorrow
For one sweet moment it’s me you love
And such perfect peace we’ll borrow.

Ben

Death by weekend.

How fine it is, that first embrace
As words rush out with joy apace
How sweet it is that first ‘Hello’
though morrow’s parting lurks below

We laugh , we talk, we smile, we touch
Though time decrees we love too much
We joke ,we dance, we play, we sing
Though stealthy night subdues that ring

Happy dawn ; we wake together
Though real-life begs, we feel forever
The old dread time’s new crushing hands
The young ignore its ruthless sands

The sweetest moment earth stands still
While we lie close, hold tighter still
Unthinkable peace, contentment rule
Hushed tones of love time’s harmony fool

One prepares for ‘then’ , unwilling
The other blind to time’s ‘a filling
One steels for this day’s ‘a ending
The child so better at pretending

Still we laugh, mock time’s bitter cup
Though both know soon the game is up
Naively out our hearts do pour
But moments off our time’s no more

So futile, much silent clinging,
Declares our love’s a bringing
Trying so well to make it last
The hours, the hours! slip ‘way so fast

There’s so much love and left unsaid
Though tearful thoughts best left unsaid
Both wait, we in sore silence bred
Whilst life’s trickster fast forward sped

So you, fair child, must wear the crown
The Queen of all, my heart to drown
Though I’m beyond it, can't hide the pain
You’re so brave you do me shame

It’s time.

One parent up, one parent down
Shared times away, ignore my frown
And neither dare risk no gloating
Just ‘cos their own heart’s ‘a floating

Now comes the awkward, shuffling stuff
Futile delays till one calls “enough!”
Next , another week, it’ll be turn about
Another chance for love, for pain, for doubt

Bring it on, bring it on , and on
All’s so quiet since you’ve been gone
I start, think I hear you calling me !
But no, you're there, not here with me.

from the Dad.