Delectina
You walk by, I watch and ponder
how your life is every day ?
Mostly, do you feel you’re happy
or wonder how you stayed?
When sleep deserts your small hours
and soft sadness pays its call
Do love thoughts rest on he beside you
or do they elsewhere fall ?
Do they ever range away
and wonder what you missed ?
Though true for rough you settled
must that forfeit tender’s kiss?
Does he trust and hold and love you,
to your heart his virtue bring ?
Or would he hurt, or vex or shame you,
knowing you’d not changes ring?
D’you lull silent in love’s afterglow
or dread endless years so slow?
As routine dulls, and time rolls by
and familiarity one’s faults do magnify
Was I wrong to guess your sadness,
a mere mirror of my hopeful madness?
Does his warmth like mine enfold you,
treasure-like to love , embold you?
Rarely do you seem unhappy
or is it just you hide so well?
Small-minded longing from distance
wishes each day a living hell.
I gaze your way mute whisper
silent love that speaks it not
Is it truly that you love him
or long ago resigned your lot?
In this sweet air, alone and walking
my one dream sees us talking,
and might you speak engaging thought
if love’s release your freedom bought?
I need to learn what’s all about you
have to know why I so love
Would you tire of talk? Explaining?
today’s hand fit tomorrow’s glove?
Could we forge new life together
afford do those things we missed?
Or be compelled to sigh and wonder
Was its lack less worth than kiss ?
Oft dream I of us together
but know you none to know.
Are you soft and warm and willing?
will love’s fire still make you glow?
Would we talk and smile and touch
or might one feel they loved too much?
After, would we drift away at ease
or awkward wonder did I please?
Would we mean it if we said
with no you, I’d rather dead?
Would you really love me true?
could I risk last chance with you?
How would age decline our treasure?
Would I to you myself up measure?
and wary of man’s promise hollow,
could you still compel your heart to follow?
Could I love you like I need to?
or would I waste it, new to bleed?
Would we stay pleased to touch and daily,
sumptuous romance feed?
Could we share our heart’s deep tears
admit, say aloud those secret fears?
Could we believe and trust each other
keep our flame home, not fire another ?
Would together earn us peace?
to love’s fire buy, not lease?
Could your arms ‘round my soul reach
To us let lie, life’s paradise beach?
Could you your love to me surrender
or is change too sore to make?
Could I trust myself be tender
not perchance your heart to break?
Or would we sometime drift apart?
yet another pair mistaken hearts?
God tell me here’s not another
for carved in stone, there’s no recover.
Could you let me cherish you?
All I’d ask your love is true
But… we’ll never know, that much is set
he’d be some fool, you free to let!
And would I, in any way, better be
beyond sweet words, an advance on he ?
You know him, learned every glance
I know not self, why take such chance?
So no better than he you picked ,
you too canny from peace be tricked
Nor would it anyway be smart
forfeit precious family to flutter of heart.
Been in my head three years and day
but doubtful ever to your thoughts stray.
Why can’t my head compliment return
and free me to drift, sad bridge to burn?
Just my imagination you’re even dreaming!
Nor would I tempt you leaning
Not that you’d look my way
though my dreams at reality will play.
Better this way, leave things as are
the two of you have come too far
and straight through me you look each time
‘cos what’s tween us is in my mind.
Today we trade a glance so rare
your lovely face, your jet black hair
Serene, sweet, past my world you float
I gaze down, your guileless path my rote
Might you lie awake tonight
small hours dread, or hope take flight?
Would you chance to think of me
at whom you look but hardly see ?
It is not fair, so arrogant of me,
runaway thoughts of you to free
Though nothingness is worse than hell
but never find courage to tell.
No. I know betrayal’s cruel kill
little eyes bitter so seen fill
Though I long with you together
love must afar, that way forever
‘Tis best for all I turn away
and two sweet charges need you stay
How does life concoct such twists
contrive two hearts forever miss?
I long to tell you how I feel
but even whisper births new lie real
So farewell, no hint to show
must mutely slip, away to go
You’ll never know my love today
nor shall a word be say.
Perhaps next life we may still meet
untethered souls, one heart to beat.
27 June 2009